The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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