Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
