so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
