***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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