i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
