My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
