You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
