If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
