I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
