Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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