She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
its liver damage thursday
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
