My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize