Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
