She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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