he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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