Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
