Cold hands, warm shart.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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