Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
