his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
