If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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