Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
