Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
