try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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