No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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