I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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