Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cockslap morals
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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