so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
