from now on my penis is your penis
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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