Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
