I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
