drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
