I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
