She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
