Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
