Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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