had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
