i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
