Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
