if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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