Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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