He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
