she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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