operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
did you just send me my own nude
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
