ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
