I have demons in me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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