Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
