i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
