dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
