so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
