he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
