Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
