and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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