I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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