I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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