If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
