I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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