after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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