You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
