I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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